This Is My New Response to Vague Statements

Some Dude: “I have an interest in sexual hypnosis.”

Me: “Orly? I have an interest in current world events.”

I’m not offended by the question, of course, but I can’t tell if we are just shooting the shit or if this is one of those “I don’t want to ask, I want you to offer” things.

In which case, my response is the following:

Boater

Come ON! This isn’t a booth at a jobs fair where you are like “Hello, good lady, I see you offer a particular service. I am curious about this; SELL ME ON IT.” And I pull out my straw barbershop quartet hat (it’s called a Boater) and a big screen drops down and I go over the particulars in some snappy musical number:

WELL SUUUH, lemmeshowyoujustalittleabouttheWONDEROUSworld of *toot toot toot* SEXUAL HYPNOSIS! *streamers everywhere*

If you have a question, ask it. If you want to chat about a topic because you’re curious, feel free to strike-up a conversation and I will reply as I can. (And, as always, if you want free sex chat out of nowhere and I’ve never met you and you aren’t super hot, you can go fuck yourself.)